


The White Queen Walks (And The Night Grows Pale)

by RDcantRead



Series: Stockings 2019 [5]
Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depressed Brian May, Depression, Early Queen (Band), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Polyamorous Queen (Band), Sad Brian May
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22059592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RDcantRead/pseuds/RDcantRead
Summary: It begins on a Saturday night after another one of Freddie and Roger’s wild nights out drinking and partying and terrorising the general population of London’s nightlife.
Relationships: John Deacon/Brian May/Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor
Series: Stockings 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580743
Kudos: 52
Collections: DL Stockings 2019





	The White Queen Walks (And The Night Grows Pale)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [yasmamamercury (Em_1)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Em_1/gifts).



> Title from "White Queen (As It Began)" by Queen

“Oh Brian, darling, why didn’t you tell us?”

It begins on a Saturday night after another one of Freddie and Roger’s wild nights out drinking and partying and terrorising the general population of London’s nightlife. A typical Saturday night in their flat. Except it wasn’t. It  _ wasn’t  _ a typical Saturday night in their flat.

Brian had gotten back from his parents’ house. His patchy relationship with his parents was partly to blame for the mood he was in, but it was mostly the existential dread of “What if this is all for nothing?” He wasn’t just talking about Queen, though Queen was the most likely to fail, he was talking about everything, about his potential degree, about the flat, about the paper he had written the other day.

And so all his anxieties and worries manifested in this numb headspace where nothing is real and everything is real at the same time. Feeling nothing and everything all at once. It wasn’t just the fateful Saturday night. It was every night following his weird fall into tiredness.

That’s what it was. It was just exhaustion. Nothing more, nothing less. He was tired of working and working and working and nothing ever happening. He was tired of the circuit, tired of the lack of settings. He was tired of the constantly changing pub scene that never seemed to be any different.

He was tired of Roger’s need for physical affection, tired of John’s quiet mystery that he could never understand, tired of Freddie’s hidden anxieties that they all felt the need to disperse. He was tired of being the strong one, tired of being the one that needed help.

He thought that maybe it would get better. That he wouldn’t need to tell anyone about his embarrassing episode. He wishes he could tell someone that he was falling apart silently as his mind built up walls to protect him. He wanted to be able to open up to his bandmates, his  _ best friends,  _ but he could never seem to say anything.

Anytime he prepared to say anything his brain cut him off and robbed him of his voice. And it hurt. It burned him from the inside out, keeping everything to himself and not sharing it with anyone. 

Until he could.

Until someone noticed and cared and  _ helped. _ Until someone came up and wrapped themselves around him, freshly showered hair smelling of strawberries tickling his nose as a nose buried itself in his collarbone. 

“What- What are you doing?” his voice came out raspy from underuse, confusion evident in his tone. An arm poked at his ribs in response to his words and he could hear Roger thinking about how to respond.

“Shut up Bri, none of us are leaving you like this.” Roger’s voice was soft and Brian could feel Roger’s blush creeping up his face and neck. Another pair of arms wrapped themselves around Brian’s middle following Roger’s words.

“Oh Brian, darling, why didn’t you tell us?” Freddie’s voice was as soft as Roger’s while simultaneously being chastising. 

“What could I say? I’m being an idiot because Mum and Dad don’t agree with my choices?” his tone was bitter and jaded and his face screwed up in an approximation of dismay. His caustic reply to Freddie’s soft query coaxed a flinch out of the frontman, guilt flooding through Brian at his callous nature and the ease at which he hurt his best friends.

A typical Saturday night in their flat. Except it wasn’t, because Roger and Freddie were frighteningly sober for once, and both Brian and John weren’t following them, trying to make sure they wouldn’t overdo it. And now everyone was gathered around Brian on his bed that was too small for Brian, let alone all four of them. Brian felt like crying from the overwhelming support of his bandmates, no one had ever supported what he wanted to do, it was always decided for him. 

“Just relax Bri, it’s okay. We’re here for you,” the mellow whisper of John’s voice reverberated through Brian’s head, soothing anxieties he had never let out, “You’re not an idiot, and your mum and dad know it too,” John continued speaking, identifying Brian’s insecurities and negating them with just his voice.

“We love you, Bri.” Roger’s voice was subdued and vague as Brian drifted off to sleep, safe in the knowledge that his bandmates weren’t going anywhere. 

It ends on an atypical Saturday night, beneath the pelting rain outside, surrounded by the three people in his life that will always be there for him. It’s a nice thought.


End file.
